MTA Bans Reading Books Over 300 Pages on Subway

New York, NY - As winter turns to spring, New Yorkers are flocking to the city's many scenic parks to enjoy the sunshine. But if you're planning to bring a book along, think twice about pulling it out during the ride there.

As of April 30th, 2023, the MTA is banning books over 300 pages on subway trains. This crackdown comes after numerous complaints from subway riders, asserting that people who read big books on the train make other passengers feel intellectually inadequate.

Mark Dobias, a paralegal and lifetime resident of Brooklyn, is among the aggrieved. "The entire performance makes the whole train feel like shit," says Mr. Dobias. "We get it, you want everyone to know you’re reading. You ever notice they're always on the first chapter? And they all have a thin little tote bag, so even if they aren’t reading it, we know it's in there. It's demeaning."

Some popular reads appearing on the banned list include Tolstoy's "War and Peace", Orwell's science-fiction classic "1984", and "Becoming" by Michelle Obama. Certain books, such as David Foster Wallace's "Infinite Jest", have been identified as "of particular concern", meaning any individual caught openly exhibiting them on the train will face hefty fines or even jail time.

Although riders who enjoy reading are encouraged to choose a smaller book, at press time an MTA spokesperson emphasized that commonsense exceptions would be made for religious texts such as the Bible, Koran, Torah, and Shel Sivlerstiens “Where The Sidewalk Ends”.